Posted 3 years ago

I Am Number Four(advanced screening)

First, I am so stoked! This was my first Advanced Screening! I feel legit.

Now, to the actual review:

This film is full of badassery. Like, to the literally left and right. And not just badassery! Substance! Action! Romance! Emotion! Good acting! Shape-shifting dogs! Oh, and the oh so cliche, but still awesome:

Walk-away explosion.

By the way, the biggest badass is a british chick.

Anyway, on to the substance!

The pacing was perfect. This film had just the right speed to keep me interested but not struggling to keep up (I’m talking to you, Eragon).

The acting, was convincing. Being a major gleek, I loved Dianna Aggron, and she was just awesome here. The main protagonist is great too. Timothy Olyphant is cool.

One of the best parts about this movie is that everyone has a distinct personality: even the freaking extras. Even the DOG has a distinctive personality: and there is the perfect amount of pathos vs. antipathos in the human “antagonists”: this made them so much more realistic because they are capable of broader thought and have a conscience, like most teenagers I know. The dog is hilarious, barking at just the right time. The mog’s are absolutely vicious, I loved it. The design team behind these nasties deserve kudos. 

The romance is real. I know because it reminded me of a certain woman in my life: I treat her the same, we act the same way. The chemistry is almost tangible. This is so incredibly convincing, it makes me miss her quite a lot. No, I’m not hocking my girlfriend around to say I’m in love: I’m saying that the exploits on the screen connected with me.

This also had some of the best action I’ve ever seen on a huge screen. Guys, I recommend seeing this immediately.

9/10 

Posted 3 years ago

Big Tits Zombie (NSFW)

Only the Japanese.

Ok, so let’s get one thing straight about this movie: it was bad. But it was not bad at the same time.

See, with movies like this, you almost have to use two scales: entertainment value vs. quality. Entertainment value always wins in my opinion, and this flick has it by the truckload.

Sure, the acting was bad, you could see strings, the story was cliche, etc etc etc, but true genius is taking all these and making your audience virtually throw them in the toilet as if they don’t matter. If the exploits on screen are entertaining, no matter the quality, we will be entertained.

There is one thing I clapped for in this film, and that was the action. Everything was perfectly done, I felt like I was watching a fighting game at points, which, actually, was pretty awesome. Plus, bad special effects and Foley work made me laugh, which is an achievement in itself. I mean, look at this:

Horrible. But hilarious.

What makes this movie different from movies like Piranha is that they KNEW they were making a bad movie, so they said “Fuck it, let’s have fun!” and they did. When the people on the screen are having fun, we tend to feel like we’re having fun too. No doubt there were multiple inside jokes amongst this cast and crew that made it on screen that they are rolling at whenever they watch this: and that’s just fine.

Not to mention the obvious jokes were hilarious as well. I never got tired or annoyed by anyone on the screen, no matter how horribly they acted, which is something I genuinely congratulate.

Plus, I’m just now learning, after seeing this film, that in theatres, it was 3D. That just made this complete. 

Despite the title, only two characters show their breasts. Which I’m ok with, actually. Btw, that was after a perverted zombie tore off her top, and she sliced him. Nice.

I give it a 6/10, averaging about a 2 for quality and a 10 for entertainment.

By the way, guys, this is not a porn. Sorry.

Posted 3 years ago

Due Date

Robert Downey, Jr. is a fucking genius. I love everything he’s ever done. He’s hilarious in that stoic, straight man kind of way.

This movie shows that he is exactly that: a straight man.

I felt like Zach Galifianakis(I hate spelling his name) stole the thunder from this motion picture giant. The interplay between these two, I felt, was completely controlled by Zach and not at all by Robert. Understandably so, considering the movie is all about letting go of the reins and just letting things happen. I felt like this film did a good job of this.

 I don’t understand why critics didn’t like this movie. Intelligent comedies like this are gold: especially with such an ace in the hole cast. I laughed out loud at every subtly played joke on screen and also every extremely brought out and obvious joke. Of course, these jokes humor those of a certain humor… it seems as though the critics were left without this.

However, with all these positive things, there are some negative things. I felt that the story was cliche and overdone, and also, that it lacked conflict but had tons of complication(which is not the same guys). The flip flopping between love and hate was sort of annoying: I felt like it changed too much. However, this is sort of realistic, just not something I want to see in a movie, because it annoys the hell out of me.

This is a short review: because mostly, this film was on par with most everything. Nothing really stuck out at me that was good or bad. It was a neutral film that you might watch if you had 95 minutes to kill. There wasn’t anything incredibly amazing or bad about it, so I’m kind of neutral about it.

7/10 

Posted 3 years ago
Wristcutters was amazing. Maybe if you only watch big budget crap you might not think so but it is good, the idea is original and all the actors stay in that 'offed' world where they are stuck. It's good I would recommend re-watching it.
Anonymous asked

I’ve seen it several times, and it just hasn’t done it for me. I understand that a lot of people enjoy this movie, but I felt nothing for anyone in the cast.

And I think big budget films are mostly over rated, I watch a lot of independent and indie films, I enjoy them thoroughly. The idea was original, but they did not expand as much as they could have.

Basically, they stayed on par, when they could have easily gotten a hole in one.

By the way, you cannot force your opinion on other people: it is not a fact that this is an amazing movie; if it was amazing, then I would have enjoyed it.

I’m just stating my honest opinion.

Posted 3 years ago

Piranha 3D (Parental Discretion Advised- A lot of gore in this Blog)

It was about time I saw this movie. I honestly wanted to see it when it was in theaters, not because I thought it would be good, but because I thought it would be bad.

Sometimes I hate being right. 

This movie wasn’t even the good kind of bad! There was no moments that made me laugh, only moments that made me drop my jaw and wonder what they were on. What bothers me the most is that they actually thought they were making a GOOD movie: Seriously, guys?

That aside, continuity and other errors constantly distracted me from this film. At one point, a little girl steps on glass and starts to bleed heavily from her foot. The next shot, she has no injury. It’s not even brought up again. That, and, the constant change in water color: blood does not disappear in like three seconds guys, and the amount of death should have stained that water red. 

And the nudity. Why so much nudity? Did you guys seriously think that it added to the movie at all? It’s almost as if they thought that adding tits to a movie made it not incredibly awful. I mean, I get that it’s spring break and shit, but do you really have to focus on that so much? There’s too much of this:

And that’s not even the worse. Seriously, you can make a spring break movie without popping one out every three seconds.

There was no character pathos: in fact, I doubt these filmmakers were intelligent enough to know what pathos is. I ended up hating every character, including Jake(what a stupid asshole). The stupidity of characters in this film make me wonder how realistic this film is. I mean, there are stupid people in the world… but this many?

Not to mention, the beginning scene doesn’t even make sense. A bunch of fish cannot create that huge of a whirlpool. I mean, look at this:

All that aside, the gore was pretty good. A lot of blood, and a lot of dismemberment. It was realistic… but not very. Plus most of the gore, I felt, was them trying to show off tits again. But if you wanted a good gore flick, without caring much about anything else, I would hesitantly recommend this. Plus, a fun scene where a man’s penis is eaten and then burped out is lovely. How fun would that have been in 3D, eh?

The only thing that decently leaves me impressed are the designs of the Piranhas. 

Talk about sick nasty! The guys who designed these little suckers and brought them to life deserve a kudos. These are honestly the most vicious killers I’ve ever seen: they surpass any human.

But then… They gave them a back story. Seriously. I’m supposed to believe that these things are from over a million years ago and they’ve been surviving by eating each other, but somehow, kept their population up enough to have thousands upon thousands in one lake at one time? That’s just ridiculous. Make them look a little less modern-day piranha and I’ll believe you. And the fact that (spoiler) they all just HAPPENED to be at the boat right as it blew up (spoiler) is just unbelievable.

I never thought I’d see a bad, campy horror movie that wasn’t absolutely hilarious and entertaining, but I proved myself wrong. This movie isn’t even a B movie. It shouldn’t even be called film. Mindless nudity and stupid characters ruin it. If I wanted to see a porn, I would’ve gone to one of the many free porn websites.

I give it a very honest and merciful 4/10.

Posted 3 years ago

Wristcutters: A Love Story

There was a lot of hype about this one, so I decided to check it out: sadly, and I’m being awfully frank, this film disappointed me.

Sure, the whole concept is cool and all, but take away the fact that they’re dead because they committed suicide, and all you get is another “I loved her, but I decided you’re better” stories that are oh so cliche nowadays. Yes, the last movie I reviewed was similar, but it had complex undertones and amazing performances, and an ironic theme to go with the setting, where this film has none. I have to say that I can’t feel sympathy for the protagonist’s plight in this film. 

By the way, for those who might not have seen or heard of this film, or what it’s about, here’s the jist. A man kills himself(it’s never specifically said why, I think it’s because his ex dumped him, but I wish there was more to it), and sent to a place where everyone who commits suicide go when they die. He meets a Russian musician that offed himself by electrocution… through his guitar. Creative. He finds out his ex girlfriend killed herself, and tries to find her in the no-man’s-land he’s stuck in. He meets a girl who claims that she is here by accident, and is trying to find the PIC(yes, the people in charge. They are actually called the people in charge.) They go through hijinks etc etc blah blah blah.

By the way, the rules of this no-man’s-land: you can’t kill yourself again and you can’t smile. Oh, and don’t vandalize signs. Or something. Convenient plot point to move the story along(obviously).

The cool things about this movie are really minor things that could have easily been left out, but of course, that would leave this movie with…. well, nothing. One cool thing: Suicide flashbacks. I sincerely enjoyed the flashbacks, like the one above, that, mostly, were almost still-life in quality. The ones that actually showed shit were good as well, but not as good as the ones that just moved the camera around the scene of death. Another cool thing: the differences in color between the world of the living and wherever the hell they are(I don’t wanna say hell, purgatory, or whatever because, whoa what the fudge, again, it doesn’t delve very deep there). The living colors are brighter, and the otherwise are very dull. But, still, I felt they could have made the change more dramatic. 

There are some funny parts to the film, but they are mostly little snide comments like this:

or sarcastic commentary on the world they live in, like this:

But, if you look at the overall picture, this film is very bland and to the point. They could have gone so deep with their concept and made a truly amazing film, but they half-assed the hell out of it, and I’m not the guy to let them get away with it.

Nice try though, guys. 5/10

Oh by the way, in answer to the pic above, yes, I am sorry now.

Posted 3 years ago

It’s Kind of a Funny Story

This brought me to near tears. This might be because I know how this kid feels, and let me tell you, boy did he ever get it across well. Zach Galifianakis does a good job, as always(although I feel he could have done more with his character), and Emma Roberts blew me away. But what is so special about this movie, is not the stars playing major roles, but the amazing supporting cast. They made each moment on screen special and heartwarming, and swept me off my feet and made me want to do smile and cry.

This tale of a suicidal boy who really just needs some time away from his life to realize what he wants is a beautiful tale, sprinkled with romance, humor, and a strangely light-hearted mood for being set in a Psych Ward. It’s also sprinkled with nice little imaginings like this:

and this:

and, most awesomely:

They made the movie complete, and helped you see through this boy who does not seem to have issues, but needs help. As he finds his way to a conclusive decision about his life after “accidentally” committing himself, you want to take a look at your life and wonder if you’re living the way YOU want to live.

Plus, Emma Roberts is fucking cute.

I give it a 9.5 out of 10.

Posted 3 years ago

Added a Requests Option

It’s in the form of an ask box, you’ll see it to the right. Give me a movie to review! :)

Keep watching moviegoers :3

Posted 3 years ago

Easy A

Yay! My first review and it’s of this movie!

I loved this movie, thought it was absolutely… dare I say….

Emma Stone is charming and witty, and you follow her plight and empathize with her so easily. Amanda Bynes was amazing as the religious bitch. There are so many great moments in this film.

However, some things I thought could have been expanded upon more. For instance, I feel like Rhi as a character could have been fleshed out so much more, there was so much potential for a lot of funny moments and love there, and it just didn’t happen. I ended up hating her by the end of the film, and I don’t think that was the intent. 

Also, some of the script died down energy-wise at several points… it started off slowly and the restaurant scene was a little too awkward.

But other than that, I laughed. Hard. This movie perfectly reflects high school in realistically hilarious way. Rumors do indeed spread fast. I loved how the movie tied in to the Scarlet Letter: that was an ingenious way to help those who might have to read this for school or otherwise adapt it to modern life, and this film does it well.

I give it an 8/10 :)

Posted 3 years ago

Welcome!

Before I start ranting and raving positively or negatively about films you may or may not have seen, I’d like to say thank you for visiting and I hope you enjoy my opinions on these movies :)